The Notes You Never Read...

A life ended. A body. A broken heart the world forgot. A bottle of pills now empty. A tear streaked letter full of pain, anger, and sadness. Finally someone would hear her. Finally they would know what they've done to her. Finally.

Ive pictured it a million times. Ive written the letters over and over in my head. Each word finally heard by the people who have made me invisible. The people who have broken me. Oh, how sweet it would be to finally be heard. Written in my finest handwriting, written to show the intellegence they all accuse me of lacking. Finally I they would know, and perhaps for once in their lives they would feel something for someone other than themselves. Perhaps then they would realize how cold and cruel they truly are. My voice would no longer be silent. How sweet the release of so many things trapped inside my heart.

I would call them all out. I would put it all out for the world to see. My pain. My anger. My sadness. Finally it would be known. All of it.

The family members who have made me feel so worthless and unloved for so long. The ones who compare me to others and tell me that I will never become anything. The ones who sit and joke about how ugly, fat, and stupid I am. The ones who reminde me every time I see them that somehow Im just not good enough. Finally they would know. Finally they would see. Perhaps they would finally care.

The friends who have betrayed me. The ones I trusted who left me behind. The ones who used me. The ones who never really were true friends.The people who took me for granted. Finally they would know the pain they have caused. Perhaps they would finally care.

All those who tormented me my entire life. The ones who gave me cruel nicknames. The ones who ganged up on me on the way to church and would leave me beaten up in some ditch. The ones who told me for years that I would be better off dead. Finally they would have their wish. Perhaps finally they would hear that conscience which they buried at such a young age. Perhaps they would finally care.

I've planned it many times. Many ways. None of you know just how close I have come. None of you cared about the tears, but finally you would all see.

I remember sitting there with a rope in my hand, so angry because I knew the old frayed rope was worthless. It would never do the job. Little did any of you know I was less than two hundred yards from your little family gathering. Little did any of you know that if that rope hadnt been so old and worn, I would have done it then and there. I finally would have been free of it all. None of you knew I was out there. None of you knew I was crying on that old dusty floor with a rusty nail in hand, taking the anger and hurt I felt from all of you out on myself. You made me all hate myself. You made me feel worthless. You made me want to destroy myself. None of you knew it, or cared enough to find out. None of you knew when I came back later that my arms were bleeding underneath my sleeves. None of you even cared that tears still flowed down my cheeks.

I still wonder what you all would have felt that day if that rope had been better quality. Would you finally have realized how much you all have destroyed me? Would you even have cared? And honestly, if you are offended that I ask this question, then perhaps you should take a step back and look at the way you treat me. And not just me, but everyone in your life. Wake up, people. Stop treating people so cruelly. Because not everyone you hurt this much will have the misfortune of not having a stronger rope. Or would you rather wait until you find a note? A note like mine; the notes you never read.